PRANA

I thought our story will be like those of Bart Kwan and his dog or Marley and Me or Hachiko or any dog stories…but ours was very different. Ever since I was in high school, I regarded stephy as a celebrity dog. I would brag a lot about Stephy as if she was a human being even after 12 years. Now that she finally chose to have her longest sleep and probably this is the last time that I can brag so much about her, let me share more of Stephy. 1.        She was a gift. Mama and papa never bought stephy after our first dog, a Japanese spitz went awol. Stephy is still the best gift up to date. We both have a dog and a human-size HUGGABLE teddy bear. 2.        She was very small. She died with 38 inches (not really updated) waistline but she used to be as small as a one liter coke. When she was a pup, we would look for her and she always stayed at the bottom of the fridge. 3.        She thinks ...

I DREADED FOR THIS DAY TO COME! FROM CHILDHOOD TO NOW, THIS IS THE DAY I WAS NEVER PREPARED OF….STEPHY LEAVING. (STEPHANIE “STEPHY” DE LEON; JUNE 05 2005- August 16, 2017) DEATH IS SOMETHING I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND. STEPHY WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN ANY HUMAN I HAVE MET. SHE WAS MY BESTEST OF THE BESTEST FRIEND, SHE WAS MY CONIFIDANT, SHE WAS MY SISTER. WHEN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD SEEMED TO TURNED ITS BACK FROM ME, STEPHY WAS THE ONLY WHO STAYED. LIFE GOT ME USED TO BE THE ONE LEAVING, I WAS NEVER PREPARED FOR HER DEPARTURE. SO MUCH MORE THAT I WAS NOT THERE. PROBABLY IT WAS EASIER THAT WAY. OLD AGE AND SHE WAS IN PAIN, IT WAS BETTER FOR HER TO LEAVE NOW THAN SEE ME CRYING AT HER DEATH BED. LIFE WILL BE SO MUCH DIFFERENT WITHOUT STEPHY. I KNEW SHE WAS OLD AND ANY TIME SHE HAD TO LEAVE BUT AT THAT MOMENT…THE MOMENT I HAD TO LEAVE I TOLD HER TO WAIT FOR ME. I WILL COME BACK FOR HER AND HUG HER ONE LAST TIME…BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HER GOODBYE WILL BE ON THE...

So grateful of July 30, 2017! After being a loser at work, I got the chance to be reunited with my fellow ilonggos from ADI-SMCS! It was a fun reunion! It was headed by sir buen as we also celebrate the farewell of the old campus. We saw nong jb torres and zairre baccay first. The four of us with kuya geof went. Then we saw sir buen. Sir buen mentioned the Go’s were going. At first I was fine with it like the usual reaction. Then we saw them. Oh gosh my secret highschool crush returned! I kennot! All the conversations were quite awkward at first. Then there was a mass. At the end of the mass we saw nong Tyrone. My siblings and I were hesitant to join the bonding after mass because 1. We’re being thrifty 2. We thought it will be very awkward. Somehow things loosened up. Ng jill, kuya Geoff and bro did not go with us but it was fine because I sense a good communication between the one’s left. It ended to be a very fun conversation. We chat while waiting for sir buen. There were awkward ...

"It was the best of times and the worst of times.." A line from a novel of Charles Dickens which I failed to read after the war of the worlds. Anyhow, that line describes my interview with Manila Water Company, Inc. It was the most honest interview I did but it was one-sided. Ugh. I do not want to dwell deeper but know that I did my best! I really did! I am still very hopeful that they get to see the potential in me. I am very anxious. Good Lord, this so far is the most difficult phase and I am asking so much help because it does not seem to get any better! Help me, Dear Lord! Time and time again especially times like this, I get to prove how supportive my family and friends are and how blessed I am to have them but at the end of the day, I always go back to myself and question why...why is there nothing happening? when is that "someday" I have been working hard for? one day. it will come. patience. trust. it will come!

My 110th post... Facebook makes me more depressed more than ever... How awful it is that we are set by notifications and chat messages. It's horrible. What's worse is we are so drawn to it. It's like being in a quicksand. You wanted to go out but always end up stuck because it now has turned out to be a necessity. Look how far we have gone. Very far. Now when do we stop? When do we really stop?

So while I load my nth kdrama series..lemme post haha. Life is sad when you realize people have jobs and other serious matters to deal with. Your problems are not theirs. They may offer time to listen to you but that's just it. They're not theirs to be bothered as much as you. There are psychiatrist or people paid to listen. It's a cruel world full of cruel people. At the end of the day, it's just you and your faith. You fool yourself to keep on fighting as if there are gazillion of reasons to because society has spoken that suicide is actually a selfish act. ugh. i hate how it thinks. -_-

I have unusual fears--fear of merry-go-around, fear of balloons and..fear of sleeping. When I was in college, somniphobia was advantageous because I get to do a lot of work. Coffee became my water and the lights became my sun. My sleeping pattern did not rely on the time. Two hours of sleep was all I ever needed. I tend to tire myself a lot so that I can sleep straight. My fear of sleeping is because I am afraid of not waking up because of my dream. Ever since I was young (grade school) my dreams tend to be very realistic or even predictions. I have seen the hints about the future in my dreams for several times. The most time was when I was in grade six. I did even dream of things that say if I see "this" in real life, "this" will happen. Prediction dreams are okay. They are somewhat tolerable. What is worse than that are what I call scenario dreams. I am scared to research about sleep paralysis. I am generally scared about researching about dreams. The only re...

It's good Friday today. I have not been out of the house. Finished re-watching princess hours and some asian movies. The thing about watching these asian films is it make you think...a lot. I believe watching these films makes a woman stronger and more confident with oneself but it also make you think of what the heck are you doing with your life?! while these celebrities struggle and work hard to make these films, you are being a bum. These characters are not real and what intrigues me the most is how the manipulate us viewers on thinking about life. Sometimes I want to be like them and sometimes, i don't. Few more weeks 'til I officially start as a quality assurance analyst but I have always wondered what could happen if I pursued my tv host dream. I had the chance to choose my own course in college. The chance not my elder sister had but I blew that chance. Up to now, I am persuading myself that it was the right choice and the struggle continues. Will be a bum fo...

Back in Iloilo. Neither temporarily nor permanently. (L-R) Pat, Doms, Jay Dan, Stark, Peter, Nikolai, Sander, Me, Ann, Alexine, Raymond, Bryan, Camille, Nikko, Alinah, Je, Ysa, Ja I have been a hermit ever since I arrived last feb but lately, I have seen a lot of people both planned and unplanned especially my high school classmates. My highschool classmates and I do not meet as often as other sections or batches. When Je passed the pharmacist board exam last month, we figured to meet up together with Lei and Ann. Je and I see each other if indi kami tamad. haha. I really missed Lei and Ann. I was really grateful we got to meet in Megaworld. When Lei posted a picture of our meet up, other astros commented, wanting to have a reunion. It was a shot in the dark to organize and personally message each and everyone of the astros. My unemployed life helped me with the schedule. I was very apprehensive that no one will reply knowing all of us have grown apart. It turned out way be...

Funny how time passes. My last blog post was September, way back when I was so unsure of myself and everything felt so misplaced.   Looking back, I can not be more than grateful for everything that has happened! I am a licensed chemical engineer now! I am beyoooond grateful for everything! Grateful that I passed, grateful that I was able to come home after. Grateful for my family and friends. Though being an engineer is still just a name card, everything felt quite unbelievable. I mean, am I really a chemical engineer? what used to be just a very far off label is real but then again whatever is written becomes a reality. So right now I am back in Manila…in Makati. I know I told myself that I don’t want to work here but I thought again that the reasons were so petty. I did not want to work here because life is just pure about work when here…people seemed to be stress, I may miss my dogs a lot plus who will look after mama and papa but after several days and chatting with e...