MY VOGUE ISSUE JANUARY 2015

I always feel excited when I have something to write. #lilanxuan

So I finally updated my other post regarding to my last escapade. I am still beyond blessed. I know I was quite selfish in NOT INVITING other for the escapade but I thought it was for the best. I don’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings and if I did, I am sorry but other than that, THANK YOU. THANK YOU, because someday we’ll figure out why.

Moving on, KASI DAPAT KO NA TALAGA MAG MOVE FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL ISSUES, I still have ISSUE. I AM FACKIN SAD. SORRY SELF!

NO! MORE LIKE TROUBLED!

See, I am hoping to GRADUATE ON TIME AS BS CHEMICAL ENGINEERING THIS SEMESTER FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES VISAYAS but I have to OVERLOAD for my failed strength of materials subject. I thought I will study for the break but a part of me says that “DUDE IT’S BREAK! It will be the last break before employment!”

It’s not that I doubt myself if I can pass ES 13 but it’s am I really ready for the real word? I know I will never be ready but I also know I am more ready than I know.

I am afraid, FACKIN afraid not to graduate on time because I have been claiming it. Claiming it actually releases the stress in me. I HAVE TO GRADUATE ON TIME because my cousins from the STATES will be attending my graduation or will see my sablay picture. GAD, it has been nine years since I last saw them. I have to graduate because that was my DADA’s wish, to have someone from his family to be an iskolar ng bayan. I have to graduate because I have adventure issues. I have to graduate because I have a job offer where I actually like some of my bosses but still afraid to get that job offer and I know they think that I will be saying YES to them (they are really expecting me). I have to graduate because I fackin ambitious.

Gahd, Lord, if only one’s life is planned out it a straight line.

I think I am just overthinking. Ugh. Fack me

So Matin just left for New Jersey at 1pm and I did not go with her at the airport. I fackin hate goodbyes. Now, one of the best things in college left for Maryland, Niambee Palacio. Achi, Papa Otep Tita Pen and kief also left for work. Urgh it’s not back to normal because this used not to be NORMAL! This is CHANGE. It always does. People leaving and people coming. No one really stays. You just have to fackin proud of them. Gahd, I am so proud of Niambee! She has been through a lot! SUPER A LOT! I am beyond grateful for her. SHE IS A FIGHTER despite her angelic face! Oh gosh, she is an angel! I will forever cherish her.

These past few months, I have been pretending that I will be dying soon. Gahd, I wish I will be! I really want to be invisible so I don’t get to show and hide so many emotions. I want to be invisible so I can see people doing adventure.

Gahd. I still have an open class issue to resolve. Gahd, I hope we have available rooms for that! URGH! THIS SHOULD NOT EVEN BE MY RESPONSIBILTY.

SOMETIMES, I FACKIN WANT TO PULL A TRIGGER TO MYSELF FOR BEING TO NICE TO MOST PEOPLE! GAHD, I sometimes question why that goodness is not being reciprocated but I believe in small miracles. Lord, I know you have better plans for me.

I am emotionally unstable and I know my twin or achi will be reading this soon. Well, to them, NUGAY NIYO KO SUGU-A! hahahahahahahhaahhaha kbye

Despite everything, I must not give up even if everything seems to be on its way down. I AM FACKIN OVERTHINKING.

I usually say I want to be a superstar (trust me, I really do not want to) because it’s a way of saying I fackin want to think less, not that I am degrading being a superstar.

Gahd…SUPERSTAR…SUPERSTAR!