MY BOYFRIEND
My boyfriend, Mark Gil Lim Mahinay, is the sweetest!
Last night, I had anxiety. I always had anyway but last night was different. I was scared. Really scared mostly because of the pandemic. I has gassy stomach and thinking a lot of scenarios. I was extremely overthinking. I tried to distract myself with videos and everything I can think of. I drank hot water but still could not sleep. Eventually I did at aroung 3 to 4 am. Then, I had a nightmare. I had been having nightmares lately and I was scared again. Up to now, dear Lord, I am extremely scared. Tears drop as I write this entry. My anxiety is not helping me.
I keep distracting myself with videos and whatever. Then bigbig called but before that I sent him a text saying how come he is not always there when I breakdown. I am not blaming him. I know how untimely it is. Then this afternoon he called. He called and played a song One Call Away. Dear Lord, I miss him. I began to cry again. It reminds me of the time when I was in Bais and we will just play songs. It was very comforting. I was comforted knowing things will be all right but as I watch him over the video with the song in the background, I can't help but think when we will see each other. Will we ever see each other again? Dear Lord, please help us survive. I am scared. I miss him terribly and there is nothing I can do about it. I am beyond grateful he comforted me in ways he can. See, my bigbig is very sweet and he always surprises me. I am beyond blessed to have him.
Dear Lord, probably I have so much love to give in this world that is why I am afraid.
Lord, help me realize things will be better. This pandemic will end. We will survive this!
So much love,
JAS
Last night, I had anxiety. I always had anyway but last night was different. I was scared. Really scared mostly because of the pandemic. I has gassy stomach and thinking a lot of scenarios. I was extremely overthinking. I tried to distract myself with videos and everything I can think of. I drank hot water but still could not sleep. Eventually I did at aroung 3 to 4 am. Then, I had a nightmare. I had been having nightmares lately and I was scared again. Up to now, dear Lord, I am extremely scared. Tears drop as I write this entry. My anxiety is not helping me.
I keep distracting myself with videos and whatever. Then bigbig called but before that I sent him a text saying how come he is not always there when I breakdown. I am not blaming him. I know how untimely it is. Then this afternoon he called. He called and played a song One Call Away. Dear Lord, I miss him. I began to cry again. It reminds me of the time when I was in Bais and we will just play songs. It was very comforting. I was comforted knowing things will be all right but as I watch him over the video with the song in the background, I can't help but think when we will see each other. Will we ever see each other again? Dear Lord, please help us survive. I am scared. I miss him terribly and there is nothing I can do about it. I am beyond grateful he comforted me in ways he can. See, my bigbig is very sweet and he always surprises me. I am beyond blessed to have him.
Dear Lord, probably I have so much love to give in this world that is why I am afraid.
Lord, help me realize things will be better. This pandemic will end. We will survive this!
So much love,
JAS
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