Complicated things uncomplicated itself

Here's the story.

I was in a seminar years ago. There's this guy (let's call him A). We DID had something special. It WAS GREAT. It was somehow the best of the best times but eventually things changed. Sometimes the BEST was not we are meant to be. I stopped everything the day after the competition was done. Probably upto now he does not now the reason why. Not just him but all the people involved They did and still d not know. I made the two way relationship into one. It was FOOLISH somehow of me. As they say, things for me were somehow a wrong timing. I had a lot of dreams but at the same time I was a mess and I did not want someone to drag him/her into my very chaotic world that time. Months passed and I thought I was fine. Kind of had a lot of crushes but everytime I have something nice I would always think of making him jealous. I was such an arse. Yes. Very pathetic of me.

Until eventually A had been going out with another girl who was my opponent in the leadership seminar. Let's call her Z. Yes, we were all in that leadership seminar. HA HA. I cried when I found out. I cried because there's was no way he can ever be mine again. I cried because he MOVED ON. But that's all right. Days, months..years passed I think I'm better now. Somehow, just somehow I had crushes without thinking of A. HA HA.

Then last time the organizers of the seminar asked us all to give a talk for this year's participants. Let's call the event seminar 2.0. SO we met again. All three of us (A, Z and me). I was so surprised of the turn of events. Yes, I disliked A and Z because I thought I was somehow just a barricade for a supposed relationship. I thought I was the one fooled. But NO. So when I saw them, it was perfectly fine. There was no grudge. Somehow a little awkwardness but still none. I/We can even joke about it. A and I somehow talked and I tried to look into his eyes and guess what, there's nothing in it anymore. I heard A and Z are no longer in the thing before seminar 2.0. Oh well.

There was a scene that totally switched my mentality. There was food in the seminar 2.0. And A asked if the food on the table was Z's and yes it was then he ate. This may sound really weird of me but at the moment I realized that months ago, I was not crying over him moving on, I was crying OVER HIS HAPPINESS. I saw how caring and good-hearted Z was. He had probably the better time. Despite everything things were not CIVIL. Things were up to the friends-level. I did say A and Z were no longer together as I've heard but now, if they ever be again, it's fine. Got no troubles.

I know people would react on my mentality right now. They would say “Oh now, she's on their side. This is way different than what she told me. She's trying to be a pleaser again...and so on”

PEOPL CHANGE. Some for the better, others for the worse 'til they get better.

Always remember NO ONE WANTS TO BE A BAD GUY. Everybody gets a second chance.

I am a bad person though. I hurt a lot of people and I'm sorry but you just can't breathe. You have to live.

The great thing in people is THERE IS ALWAYS A GOOD SIDE.

Somehow I kid everybody that this might be because of the INNER PEACE I joined last time. Hahaha.

I am so happy with how seminar 2.0 turned out. It cleared a lot of things. I don't like CIVIL. I like a well-established relationship. I love all the participants even though they don't like this cheesy-mushy stuffs.

With all of these, I'm going against a saying. FIRST LOVES DOES DIE. IT JUST REINCARNATES THROUGH TIME.

We don't have to be the best. WE just need to be better until we now what the best truly is.

Funny how I can write this with an empty feeling already.

'Tis all emotions for now

-Jas