another review update

well, less crying now. less overthinking but still...

i am still sad. i don't now.
All my life i have always been confident about  myself. i can make and deliver speeches impromptu, i can perform any time, i can present anytime, i can challenge myself but this time...this time is the lowest of low that no matter how much i study and how much score i will have in pre test or in pre board, i will not have the same confidence in myself. i do not know when i lost it. probably the time when my "school" forgot about me. because no matter how much i try my efforts will never be mentioned for the ends will never justify the means. i know, being humble means not worrying about mentioning your achievements but it satisfying sometimes to know that people appreciate you. never knew that that simple award could be one of the reasons of my depression. people do not know my story. people will never know this part of my story because somehow, i refuse to show them. i know people have different stories to tell. each has their own struggles but it still saddens me...a lot how some would judge you when you haven't been that way to them.
oh this journey is the most difficult. i just want this to be over.

but i will still do my best.
my reason for the passing or even taking the board exam may not be the same as others like how they think that theirs is deeper but still i have my reasons.
taking the board exam is a promise for my mom that no matter what happens, i hope to my dear Lord, that she won't have literally an insane daughter coming home.

i pray for my sanity.