PRANA

 It has been almost four years since I have been in a relationship and one day you'll figure out that those four years will have to come to an end. It will be the same world just a different approach on it.  Honestly, I am tired. I am tired of overthinking and my understanding has come to a limit. I became toxic not just for Mark but for myself.  I am tired of having no definite plans. I am tired of overcompensating. I am tired of ALWAYS understanding. It will be for the best. For now, thesis time and making myself better again.

 Today is Good Friday. Unlike the previous holy weeks, it was so easy to fast. Fast on food, fast on social media, fast on gadgets but now, it's like a necessity.  I got into thinking and while I watch friends the series, what and where do I really want to see myself.  Life with Mark Gil seems to be blurry for now. Ever since I went to Negros last February, I saw how busy he was and that's what I could ever remember despite the several efforts he did (going to Dumaguete to fetch me, going to Camp Sungayan, going to Bais...) but whatever they were the only conclusion I have is still how busy he was and how his time for me seems to be divided. I still doubt our capacity to take care for each other.  It also got me into thinking if being in CCC is for me long-term. I still want to learn so much about renewable energy, climate change solutions. I sometimes feel I am in great what I do but it is not the field and I feel not enough when I am into per se department of science and tech

 I am beyond thankful that I was chosen to be part of Climate Change Commission kahit contractual lng muna. This is because WFH set-up and I get to have finances while I finish my thesis. I finally had the courage to tell my adviser that I was stuck with thesis. But the thing is I am still scared of doing thesis. With so many files, I don't know where to start again. I desperately need to finish my thesis. I have to finish my thesis.