PRANA

 Yesterday, August 21 2020, was our 23rd monthsary. It was not the most ideal monthsary. Mark did not say goodnight the night before then calls me very early in the morning. I know that was just immature of me but I deeply appreciate mark and joked him about it. Still, I was blessed. The day progressed and we seldom sent text messages to each other. I was making myself busy with sleep, doing art stuff, my plants, betta fish, some wastewater readings and ps4. He was busy with what I think was with the manokan and he told me may new kanding siya. Nonetheless, we are used to not being so clingy basta video call late night. He called in facebook. It was all fine until the issue about his eye came up. Mark and I are not good when it comes to health aka the body. I was so frustrated I do not know what's happening. I want him to be okay and I am disappointed I can't do anything about it. Mark is trying his best but it turned out that it seemed like I was reprimanding him. I am an over

 I want to write to remember. July 2018 We had our refinery outing at oceans 24 at valencia, negros oriental. Mark was a maintenance shift supervisor and our department invited him since he was also the cousin of sir joy (refinery shift supervisor). We have known each other for months already but haven't really talked alone. He was then teased and making moves on jing jing, another cadet who was also my friend. But he already stopped months before. Jing would tell me about him. I once went to a dinner with friends with them which they initiated. It was in hayahay in dumaguete. I would then tell jingjing to give him a chance but nothing happened between them. That was in february.  We also used to have small talks. Like one time (which was after jingjing) he asked me something about Iloilo because there was a girl going to iloilo and he was asking what was nice as a pasalubong. Also, nothing happened with him and the girl.  Moving on, during the oceans 24 refinery outing, instead of

 August 11, 2020 Earlier I had one of my episodes. By episode I mean one of those days that I feel so useless and have no motivation whatsoever to go on with life that I preferred to sleep all day.  I have things I could have done but still my emotional and mental health is not cooperating.  With everything that is happening right now, I worry about a lot of things! I am so uneasy that I would find ways to distract myself and end up not doing anything productive. I worry about my family in Iloilo, my love in Negros Oriental and my family and friends. Times are changing so fast that I don't know how to react. I just hope one day I get by. -jas