PRANA

i am HUNGRY. i am SAD. i am a FAILURE.

I always (often) get disheartened. I am trying to do my best but it seems that the gods are not on my favor. I am trying to focus but i sleep. I am trying to have self-control but I snob the alarm. I am trying to study but it seems not effective. Everyday, I study. I doubt if its well. still trying. trying to find that exact orbital for me. Failed the third exam again and the worse part is, bottom ten again! I thought I did well in the exam...just like how i thought in the previous two. I do not know how to adjust no more. I am disappointed with myself. The past days I have already boosted my confidence but after seeing the results for exam 3, I question again. This is just so disheartening. Trying to make a back up plan to ditch reviewing for the exams and go find work. Well, because I want to work abroad. I have signed up for Canada but have't fully read everything. everything is so disheartening. I want to go home :(

I haven’t done much today aside from getting sad because there is no 0.50 pesos worth of photocopy around here. I did however returned to the Legion of Mary! It has been over a year, I think. I used to dislike talking about faith. When I was in grade school it was just something already there without me trying to question or even look deeper. All I knew was I was doing these things (going to mass every first Friday, going to Sunday Mass, read the gospel at home, pray the rosary, confess, read in the church…so many things) because I have to and it was required of me. I did however hated Sunday Masses. I often, around 80% slept during the homily no matter how long or short they were! That was until I was in fifth grade. I grew up from a very Catholic family thus enrolled in a Catholic school. I like my grade school! I like my school. Anyway, when we were young, my siblings and I together with my mom read the gospel every night then I started asking questions. I remember St. Therese as m...

I actually like what I am doing. I have always thought that life is about challenges. As an engineer, I like it. It challenged me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay so much to the point it bends and almost breaks me. Almost. As an engineer I would love to be in the field of research. I love innovation and pop culture. I could stay ‘til midnight (without realizing it) watching videos! It’s very challenging and I usually feel dumb but I should get used to it. I often downgrade myself, thinking that I can never do things that probably the timing is not right but I should always remember that 1. God gave me such situation because He knows I can 2. “There is never a wrong timing, only a wrong mindset.” quote by me. lol. This, I CAN  and this, I WILL. Whatever THIS may be.